Manual Labor

I can see it on the horizon as it gets a little closer every single day approaching at what seems like warp speed. Turning fifty. Ugh... How did this happen??? That seems to be the usual response when you open up your front door and it's standing there waiting to bitch slap you in the face. Those years that have peeled back so quickly it leaves me shuddering in my shoes. Shoes that don't seem to fit as well or look as good as they used to.

Hmmm... I'm thinking that maybe it is time to trade them in for a new pair. I have retied those old laces so many times that they are coming up short and they no longer meet in the middle. It's a fight just to get them tied and when I do the loops are no longer even. They are frayed on the ends and no matter how many times I try to wash them they just don't look clean. But the worse thing of all are the knots that have appeared along the way. Some are bigger than others but no matter how I try to manipulate them through those little eyelets some are just too big. No matter how much I try to twist and turn and squeeze them they won't budge. What you say?? Okay, you got me. I'm not talking about shoes I'm talking about my life and the way it has me feeling lately.

That magical number "fifty" automatically makes you ask the question, how much time do I have left? Of course, no one knows that answer but it scares me enough to know that I have to get busy living my life. No more time to waste clinging to things that are no longer speaking to my soul. Things that leave me feeling exhausted, sad and lonely. Things that I just don't seem to have the energy for any longer. I am starting to realize that I can no longer ignore what has been staring me in the face. I need to remove those "miserable glasses" as my oldest calls them and let the light shine in. Let the peace enter with each step I take away from the old and familiar and into the new, whatever that may be.

Through my new found passion of photography I am hellbent on getting unstuck, and moving forward in whatever direction life takes me. No more clinging to what is familiar in order to feel a sense of security because the thought of an unknown change scares the living hell out of me. I need to do some manual labor and find out what it is that my soul has been trying to tell me.